Ethical Philosopher Gifts

'Don't worry about doing the right thing. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're fired, retired, or reincarnated.'

"Page two, paragraph six: The moral high ground-we're prepared to yield totally on that point."

"I'm so conflicted."

'Interesting ambition, Freddie. And what will you be if large corporations are no longer hiring rogue accountants?'

"Embezzle is a pretty strong word. Isn't it possible he just forgot where he buried them?"

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

"You can't legislate morality, thank heaven."

'Miss Jones, bring me my scruples.'

"Our best strategy may be to destigmatize embezzlement."

'We'll just run it past the ethics committee, and we'll be on our way.'

Organ Donation Clinic

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'I suggest we test it on humans and if it works we'll release it to our fellow canines.'

Some really righteous person turned out to be morally bankrupt today...

“What we have here is an old moral compass. How did it come into your possession?”

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

'The way I see it, a double standard is better than no standard at all.'

Always a popular motive: Hunter and Prey.

"You know, it's guys like you that give guys like me a bad name!"

"And if your idea is really good, who knows we might even pass it off as our own."

Acts of God and Acts of the Devil

"Tighten our belts? Why can't you sell your soul to some nasty American corporation?"

"No, I get it. You wanna pay me to have a little 'chat' with a dad whose kid beat up your kid. I'm just not sure it's ethical."

"I'd love to vote my conscious. Where can I find one of those?"

'But Father, what about earthly rewards...'

"This is rather harsh. I may have been mean, but I was never mean-spirited."

"What made you appoint an ethicist to the corporation?"

'What's wrong with white mice and guinea pigs?'

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

Vegetarian Professor

"Republican striptease"

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"I know the rules on cloning, but it's easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission."