Academic Philosopher Gifts

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"There it is, son, your four years at Princeton."

Hee Hawley: The Yale Yokel.

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

"At least I'm learning right from wrong."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

Thinking Gears

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Humans...What is their purpose?

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

Ban on Free Speech

"You go on in, I’m just going to catch up with the moon for a few minutes."

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"Feel free to take notes."

Historical memory is on life support.

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

The Googler

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'