Ethical Analyst Gifts

It was the moment of truth, after which they all got back to lying.

'Ah, yes, the presidential conscience shelter.'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Slavery Reparations

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'Bad man. . . you are a Bad Man!'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

Sportswasher's

Anonymous Donations

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

'Now, at first glance, this may LOOK like a challenge.'

Arms Industry increases sales by 8.5%

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

"It's not easy being green…"

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

Environmentally Sound Management of Biotechnology.

CONGRESS, 'You know, we wouldn't need a pay hike if we got commissions on our appropriations.'

Cleaning Out the WildLife for New Residential Construction.

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

'The ethics consultant said our business conduct is immoral. I immediately took action and fired the guy.'

'3.45 pm: ignoring its squeals of protest, I have injected the lab rat with the growth hormone drug.'

'I thought the whistle-blowers showed up after we were finished.'

Monkey Research.

'They're not testing drugs on us - they're testing us. We're transgenic.'