Ethics Investigator Gifts

"Aren't you being a little arrogant, son? Here's Lieutenant Colonel Farrington, Major Stark, Captain Truelove, Lieutenant Castle, and myself, all older and more experienced than you, and we think the war is very moral."

"Everybody's somebody's contra."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

'Bad man. . . you are a Bad Man!'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Anonymous Donations

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Now, at first glance, this may LOOK like a challenge.'

"Rudy, did you realize it's illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote?...And that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend Patsy Marionette, for city council?"

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'