Business Ethics Analyst Gifts

'This job will involve fierce ambition, total loyalty and most likely 9 months of court ordered community service.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

Water company bonus.

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

If business gets any worse I'll have to start laying off relatives.

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

"Sir, your greed is showing."

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!