Ethical Consultant Gifts

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"For questions of ethics we have Carl advising on what's permissible under the law and Bette advising on what a mother would do."

"It's simple enough, Langdon, but I'll explain again. To help pay off the debt that we incurred when we bought this company, we've sold some of you into slavery."

Sportswasher's

AAA Cloning Laboratory: Think Twice.

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

"We're stopping animal testing. It's the humane thing to do, plus none of them could even crack 1000 on the SATs."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'