Work Ethic Analyst Gifts

Cull people who want you to give 110%

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"I can carry more pollen back to the hive that way..."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'I solve so many work problems at home.'

Peacock of Productivity

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"You say priorities, I hear suggestions."

"Right, I'd better go...corpses on't pick themselves clean y'know!"

"Oh come on, Dave! You know you're not supposed to come to work if you're sick."

"It's a full-blown empathy attack!. . . help me sneak him out of here before this thing spreads through the entire company!"

"You want self-motivation? Look! I have my own carrot and stick!"

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice, Lord Mayor of London.

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

'Memo to the wife...'

"The boss won't be able to make it on time. He asked us to reschedule this meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting where we're going to brainstorm strategies to prevent procrastination in the workplace."

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

Job Bored

"I was in the office an hour early this morning."

'Get a half-life Mrs Curie.'

"There are two kinds of students: perfectionists and procrastinators."

Back to Work

"There's such a thing as being TOO conscientious, Miller!"

"We want supervisors who know noses and never leave a grindstone unturned."

"We've discovered the part of the human brain that activates achievement is located right next to the section that governs how much you look out the window."

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'