Work Ethic Critic Gifts

"If democracy doesn't work, why should I?"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"I can carry more pollen back to the hive that way..."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'I solve so many work problems at home.'

Peacock of Productivity

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

"Oh come on, Dave! You know you're not supposed to come to work if you're sick."

"You say priorities, I hear suggestions."

"You want self-motivation? Look! I have my own carrot and stick!"

Sign on office wall says: 'Mustn't grumble.' Employee says: 'You have to admit, it's not much of a mission statement.'

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice, Lord Mayor of London.

"The boss won't be able to make it on time. He asked us to reschedule this meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting where we're going to brainstorm strategies to prevent procrastination in the workplace."

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

'Memo to the wife...'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

"We want supervisors who know noses and never leave a grindstone unturned."

'Get a half-life Mrs Curie.'

Job Bored

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"