Work Ethic Critic Gifts

"If democracy doesn't work, why should I?"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"I can carry more pollen back to the hive that way..."

'I solve so many work problems at home.'

Peacock of Productivity

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

"You say priorities, I hear suggestions."

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

"Oh come on, Dave! You know you're not supposed to come to work if you're sick."

"You want self-motivation? Look! I have my own carrot and stick!"

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

"The boss won't be able to make it on time. He asked us to reschedule this meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting where we're going to brainstorm strategies to prevent procrastination in the workplace."

Sign on office wall says: 'Mustn't grumble.' Employee says: 'You have to admit, it's not much of a mission statement.'

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

'Memo to the wife...'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice, Lord Mayor of London.

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

Job Bored

"I was in the office an hour early this morning."

Back to Work