Eternal Life Club Member Gifts

"You name it, and he had a donor card for it."

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Snub Marine

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

Late again.

"Your immortality tonic may not be worth it, Sol."

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

'I think if we were to pretend to be dumb, they would lose interest in us...'

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Four Stages of Boyhood

"I've always admired you. I find your complete lack of compassion refreshing."

"I'd like to be on time for school but it makes the day too long!"

Members only.

Old man: 'Good news! Scientists have doubled the lifespan of cockroaches.'

Angel Nightclub: The Head of a Pin.

Clock-faced man uses anti-aging cream to turn back the hands of time.

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

I've reversed the aging process,,,

I, Maryanne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do I watch.

'Eat at my place, I'm very lonely'

the ventriloquist

"Sorry I'm late. Heavy traffic."

'I can't get the childproof cap off.'

A flower nursery: 'Annuals' 'Perennials' 'Eternals'

"Everyone who cares about you is here, Frank, because we all feel it's time you quit wearing your baseball cap backwards."