Exclusive Club Member Gifts

"Your request to join is being reviewed by the group moderator!"

"This is a private club. Are you a Mamba ?"

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

"Now you tell me I'm the only member?"

La Table

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

"You'll learn a lot at our book club...like how to read between the wines."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

Men drinking

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

'Boy Scouts aren't ANY kind of terrorists!'

'Actually, we're members of a mountain climbing club named for sir Edmund Hillary.'

I'm warning you. My nosy parents are chaperoning. It'll be fine. Eco Club Dance. All they want to do is spy on me. You're safe. You think? Is that Twig? I forgot my night-vision goggles.

Bud's Club...Where Buds, Bubs and Bros gather!

"...And when you turn eighteen, you go over to the dark side, like Mom and Dad."

"You only started bringing me home from the Darby and Joan club because I had a stair life and you couldn't manage stairs any more."

"I've always admired you. I find your complete lack of compassion refreshing."

Wordilly Durdillies - Rotery club

Members only.

"Welcome, comadres, to this first meeting of the Very Wise Latina League!"

'It suprises me you want your files organized.

'He's the only one we could get to be master of ceremonies.'

'I read the Club's constitution and then realized I did fit the entry criteria, so I decided to join...'

I shall now unveil my first great experiment in exploitative capitalism. Oh joy. Institute for Capitalist Exploitation. Beneath this sheet is an extraordinary creation. I give you … The new cafe exclusive VIP premier executive best customer reward card. Available to anyone who pays $9.95 a month for membership. Fine print: Includes no benefits.

Cricket Prospects.

This club is for members only

'It's not for sale.'

'Sorry, this is the Billionaires club. The Millionaires club is down the street.'

Time Travellers Club: Back in 1652.

Posh store has sign: When Flaunting Is Not Enough.

"Do you have a reservation?"

Millionaires club: "The bad news is, this recession has forced us to recruit lottery winners!"