Exclusive Club Seeker Gifts

Members only.

I could have danced all night!

La Table

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Ladies, welcome to Palais des Beefcakes. Please observe our rules. NO making lewd propositions to our performers and absolutely no touching. No touching. Let's me and you honeymoon.

'The thing I like about jazz is nobody notices if I hit the wrong notes.'

"One more thing...don't upset the bouncer!"

"I'd like to sing some songs from the great American songbook, I'll start with the Dead Kennedys. . ."

Shorn sheep gets Baaaaard!

"Welcome to our private banking group."

"Do you have anywhere our friends won't have discovered?"

"I've always admired you. I find your complete lack of compassion refreshing."

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

I shall now unveil my first great experiment in exploitative capitalism. Oh joy. Institute for Capitalist Exploitation. Beneath this sheet is an extraordinary creation. I give you … The new cafe exclusive VIP premier executive best customer reward card. Available to anyone who pays $9.95 a month for membership. Fine print: Includes no benefits.

This club is for members only

'This is just the warm up.'

"No long-playing records allowed."

Ok, I'll meet you at the Optimist Club unless I get hit by a bus or something.

In a reverse universe. We say it's a wine drinking club, but the wine is really just an excuse to get together and discuss books.

"You. You. And you."

'Sorry, this is the Billionaires club. The Millionaires club is down the street.'

'Bacon's here. So's lettuce and tomato. Just waitin' on bread.'

Posh store has sign: When Flaunting Is Not Enough.

Dinosaur Extinction, If your name's not down...

'I knew he was intelligent when he agreed with everything I said'

Cut out and keep your own Bouncer.

"Do you have a reservation?"

"It costs how much to join?"

"I can let you in, but really it's just a place I rented to be alone and maybe write a little."

"Are you blind? I'm wearing a tie!"

'Do ya feel it? It's like a dahk, smelly cloud descended on us. Somethin' rotten...somethin'...EVIL!'