Eternal Ballfolks Gifts

'Wait ... Nobody brought a ball? Now what are we going to do for all eternity?'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

Mummy reading a book in his sarcophagus.

Football Angel

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

Four Stages of Boyhood

Clancy: Footloose and Fiancee-Free

'Me retire? Never!!!'

"The worst thing about getting shorter is you can't get those rebounds any more."

"Haven't you heard? Twenty's the new ten!"

"I had his name spelled wrong on purpose. It will drive him mad ...forever!"

'It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is he died laughing before her could tell anybody.'

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

'Today is the first day of the rest of your life.'

'I'll never get out of the third grade -- They keep raising the retirement age.'

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"Deep down I'm really shallow."

"Again! Again!"

I, Maryanne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do I watch.

"Cedric! You're 763 years old...How can you still be so immature?"

'Heulluva Mark.'

Upside-Down Birthday 91-16.

"Randy, you're older than I am. Have you thought of maybe settling down and having kids?"

'Yes, that's our founder. He posed for that on his 80th birthday.'

"So, what are we doing this summer? We need to do something where in 50 years time, we look back and say, 'We did some crazy stuff that summer!"

"Your room has been comped."

They called him the Olympic Flame because he never went out.

A bore of batchelors

Forever 31: Hair Implants & Egg Freezing

"Uh-oh."

'Um... no. I don't think so.'

Boys will be boys and so will a lot of middle-aged men - Kim Hubbardf