Eternal Fan Gifts

"Uh-oh."

Bowled over again!

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

Currently Boston

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

Elderly People

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'Golfers rowing a viking longboat.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

And that's why I'm still single!

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

'So, Henry. Just exactly how 'controversial' was that call you made in tonight's game?'

The Sports Fanatic

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

'Face it -- you'll NEVER catch up to Lady Godiva's approval rating.'

Heat Wave Podium

Four Stages of Boyhood

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'

'Where do you see yourself i 500 or say, 5000 millennium?'

'Me retire? Never!!!'

Is that a … um … never mind. Forget I said anything. What? Nothing. It must've just been a trick of the light. Or maybe a stray hair. It certainly couldn't be the faint imprint of a wrinkle beside you eyes. My life is over. On the bright side, maybe a web of wrinkles lining your face will make you look less dopey.

'When Jack became immortal, something went out of our marriage.'

"This is a great place for someone with Tourette's - you come here, you're just like everyone else."

"But this is eternity...you've got to have a hobby!"

"I really am young at heart: I got a 34 year old's in a transplant."

Very little fan fair.