Eternal Fan Mugs

"Uh-oh."

Currently Boston

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

Elderly People

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

And that's why I'm still single!

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

'So, Henry. Just exactly how 'controversial' was that call you made in tonight's game?'

The Sports Fanatic

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

Four Stages of Boyhood

'Face it -- you'll NEVER catch up to Lady Godiva's approval rating.'

Heat Wave Podium

'Where do you see yourself i 500 or say, 5000 millennium?'

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'

'Me retire? Never!!!'

'When Jack became immortal, something went out of our marriage.'

"This is a great place for someone with Tourette's - you come here, you're just like everyone else."

Very little fan fair.

"But this is eternity...you've got to have a hobby!"

Men watching football as their ship sinks.