Eternal Ballfolks T-Shirts

'Wait ... Nobody brought a ball? Now what are we going to do for all eternity?'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

Mummy reading a book in his sarcophagus.

Football Angel

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

Four Stages of Boyhood

Clancy: Footloose and Fiancee-Free

"Haven't you heard? Twenty's the new ten!"

'It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is he died laughing before her could tell anybody.'

'Me retire? Never!!!'

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

"The worst thing about getting shorter is you can't get those rebounds any more."

"I had his name spelled wrong on purpose. It will drive him mad ...forever!"

'Today is the first day of the rest of your life.'

'I'll never get out of the third grade -- They keep raising the retirement age.'

"Cedric! You're 763 years old...How can you still be so immature?"

I, Maryanne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do I watch.

"Deep down I'm really shallow."

"Again! Again!"

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

You'll like playing golf up here. It's a private course only open to those who get past the pearly gates. The ball flies a long way because of the altitude! With wings, there's no need for golf carts. And the best thing is, you have all of eternity to improve your score! That still won't be enough time!

Upside-Down Birthday 91-16.

'Heulluva Mark.'

"So, what are we doing this summer? We need to do something where in 50 years time, we look back and say, 'We did some crazy stuff that summer!"

"Randy, you're older than I am. Have you thought of maybe settling down and having kids?"

'Yes, that's our founder. He posed for that on his 80th birthday.'

It doesn't reflect poorly on us. We're going gangbusters. We're vibrant. And spicy, like jalapenos. We are fresh as the Kennedys in 1950s springtime!! Wrinkle-free!! Let's jump rope. I would most certainly enjoy hang gliding. What's going on with the geezers? The LK Effect. What? Ever since Larry King announced his retirement, they've been overcompensating. But first a nap. With vigor. I'll retire when they pull the microphone from my dead ... zzzzz.

They called him the Olympic Flame because he never went out.

A bore of batchelors

"Your room has been comped."

Forever 31: Hair Implants & Egg Freezing

"Uh-oh."

'Um... no. I don't think so.'