Eternal Attendee Gifts

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

"I might have to go to school forever because the more I know the more I know I don't know."

'Due to the record snowfall, every school on the face of the earth is closed except for Wolfbranch Elementary.'

Elderly People

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

"First I'm getting a Bachelor's Degree, the a Master's Degree, then a Doctor's Degree!"

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

Door sign states: Reincarnation studies Come again ... and again.

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

'A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, Wally.' 'It's a good thing, I'm a know-it-all!'

"I really should have paid attention to everything I learned in Kindergarten."

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

'I'm going to learn it right this time.'

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

"You're not ready for school to start, are you?"

"Never stop learning"

'You're in Graduate School now. I think it's high time I stopped doing your home work.'

"May the good Lord bless this Town Council for the revival of our religious invocations. We thank Thee in the name of Jesus Christ!"

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

Four Stages of Boyhood