Enthusiastic Chef T-Shirts

'It looks exactly like the picture in the recipe book except for the burnt bits.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

Better Not Squash.

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'Come and get it!'

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Sushi Train Set.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

Christmas Canapes

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

"I don't like it."

'Just call me Delia...'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

"At what point did my Boeuf Bourguignonne become a pejorative beef stew?"

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that.'

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

Football Pudding

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

'Sue, the poltergeist has made us another cake.'

"So that's a three bird roast."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."