Optimistic Chef T-Shirts

'Come and get it!'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

The Origins of Everything

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

Microwave confusion.

Christmas Canapes

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

Baker

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Just call me Delia...'

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

'The vast potential of stem cells...and we use them to make a hamburger!'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

"She can't take any constructive criticism."

'Do you realize, this is a land of opportunity?' - 'Yes, anyone can become a tax payer.'

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

Frittering a Banana by Electricity.

'It looks exactly like the picture in the recipe book except for the burnt bits.'

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

"We try to give him a realistic outlook on life."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."