Enthusiastic Chef Pillows

'It looks exactly like the picture in the recipe book except for the burnt bits.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

Better Not Squash.

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'Come and get it!'

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Sushi Train Set.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

Christmas Canapes

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"I don't like it."

'Just call me Delia...'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"At what point did my Boeuf Bourguignonne become a pejorative beef stew?"

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

Football Pudding

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that.'

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

'Sue, the poltergeist has made us another cake.'

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

"So that's a three bird roast."

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."