Entertainment Guardian Gifts

An acceptable level of TV violence.

Showbiz Awards

"It's a play on words."

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Solar Frankenstein

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Succession 2

Wembley Concert - Stop Global Warming

Computer Crimes

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Lost drone! Reward! Goes by the name of 'Phantom 3'."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

'You forgot the product label.'

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

Roald Dahl's books updated for modern sensitivities.

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

Pop star weather report.

Still hemorrhaging; NBC cancels "The Cheeseheads"

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

'My degree is in journalism but with a major emphasis in celebrity gossip.'

Trustworthy Authority.

"Oh get over it. It's crocodile. We're alligators."

"He loves to give autographs!"

"Waiter, I'd like to have Black Rhino for dessert!"