Entertainment Industry Insider Gifts

"I'm shopping my prison video around, but apparently if you don't shiv another inmate or become someone's bitch nobody's interested."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"It's a doomsday scenario...I love it."

"Mum, I got the job!"

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

An acceptable level of TV violence.

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

'We had to donwsize.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"So I play this guy named Stan Snorkel who finds a big, gray poodle..."

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

The Incredible Telly Presenter's Journey.

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Larry David

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

'And who are you wearing?'

'I'm with the band.'

This next number is when we smash our guitars...

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

"I'm not sure if the audience is ready to embrace you in a romantic comedy."

'The music business.'

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'