Gadget Guardian Gifts

"I could never go wireless."

Battered PC Shelter

Computer Crimes

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

Cat hissing at laptop computer.

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

"Lost drone! Reward! Goes by the name of 'Phantom 3'."

Internet Privacy

'Sorry...the dog ate my miniphone.'

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

"Yes, I invested in a safe and security system. I got sick and tired of our kids taking my phone chargers and losing them."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

The Computer Bore

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

Evolution.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Can our software do that?'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'