Entertainment Enthusiast Gifts

'With so little free time, you have to learn to multi-task...'

"The proposal sounds good. Of course, I still have to run it by my people over at the Psychic Friends Network."

"Wait! It gets even crazier!"

"It's dull now, but at the end they smash their instruments and set fire to the chairs."

'I trust you folks won't mind if I have the football on while we talk?'

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

"I don't like it already."

'The food and the service are excellent, as always, Pierre -- but would you consider bringing back the violinist?'

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

'Listen - if I can survive Antarctica, I can survive Hollywood.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

The little Dutch boy is playing video games.

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

Cellphone Addiction

'A lot of circus people eat here.'

'I can't believe I flunked! -- I always do so good when I watch game shows!'

My flesh and blood � watching a reality tv show. Welcome to America, mom. This country is hopelessly divided. Now, now. The gulf between me and you gardening addicts isn't that big! The gulf between reality tv fans and sane people is. Sanity. So overrated.

"I don't want to do something fun for free, I want to do something fun we pay for."

Entertainment vs Get Serious Committees

"I forget-did we decide to see something life-affirming or something mind-numbing?"

"Just getting the hell out of here is worth the price of admission."

Wife asking husband where she should tell people he has gone

A car drives down a street of houses all shaped like TV sets

Cable Inc. This has all of the sports and entertainment channels, and none of the news channels. Its call the "Ignorance is Bliss Package"!

Shout Show

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

TV Program Guide. Hang on a second, let me check my appointment book.

I can't decide if I should not read the book or not see the movie first. Entertainment.

"Leave your coats on the bed for collateral."

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

I'm tired of 3-D movies. When's Hollywood going to come out with 4-D? 4-D? That's when they combine what's onscreen with physical effects inside the theater. If you see a field of flowers onscreen, you smell flowers in the theater. If it's set in Hawaii, a toucan flies onto your lap. If there's an on-screen kiss, an usher smooches you. You've got my attention.

The DVR is full again. The modern Sisyphus.

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

"When my fifteen minutes of fame come, I want to make sure I capitalize on them."