Modern Entertainment Enthusiast Gifts

DVD and Goliath - "When Harry met Sally on widescreen, mmm"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"They grow up so fast."

Herman Mankiewicz

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

Create some buzz!

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Reese Witherspoon

Big screen TV.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

Binge Watch

Newspaper suicide.

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Starvation Watching

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."