Modern Entertainment Gifts

"This program may not be suitable for viewing by anyone."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

The Rooster Comedian.

Champagne

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Television Readers.

"Extreme miming"

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

Cow Show Tunes

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

Wifi in Hell

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

"Bloody hell!"

Cord cutter

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'