Modern Entertainment Gifts

"This program may not be suitable for viewing by anyone."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

Benedict Cumberbatch

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

The Rooster Comedian.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Television Readers.

Champagne

"Extreme miming"

Cow Show Tunes

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Cord cutter

"Bloody hell!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'There's nothing on.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'