Elderparent Gifts

While there's life, there's hope.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"Did you remember my mints?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Speed Dating.

"Careful."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

Toothless Meal

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

Dino Snack

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'