Elderly Mother Gifts

A Close Call

"... and they never write or visit!"

"Unbuckle your belt, Bob."

Prize vegetables.

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

International Women's Day

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Lady of the Cake.

'The cats love getting some fresh air, and it's the warmed coat I've ever had.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Domestic Goddess.

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

I quilt therefore I am

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

Plant Lady

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Victorian Lady