Elderly Mother Gifts

A Close Call

"... and they never write or visit!"

"Unbuckle your belt, Bob."

Prize vegetables.

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

International Women's Day

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Lady of the Cake.

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Domestic Goddess.

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

I quilt therefore I am

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Social distancing

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

Plant Lady

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.