Elderly Mischief Gifts

'Franklin's waiting for the Google 'Street View' car to drive by so he can moon it.'

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

"Billy, we don't need to feed that vacuum robot."

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

Knights

Less expensive equivalent.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

Obstruction of justice? Yeah, I can give you something for that.

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'I can't undo anything - I've forgot my toolbox!'

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

"What a gloriously sunny day...! I must get in the garden and burn something..."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"Time of death, 11:55." "Wait, what?" "No, sorry, my phone died."

'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

"For crying out loud, what's all that racket down there? Are those kids raiding the kitchen again?"

'I never dreamed that Lady Godiva would run AGAINST me!'

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'

'Who gave you that black eye?'

'It's some kind of silly note from the barbarians, sire. It says, 'We will, we will, rock you...'

The Left One As You Look At It.

'The sport wasn't on your lung...It was on the x-ray...barbecue sauce...please sand by for an apology and a great explanation from my nurse...'