Medieval Mischief-makers Gifts

'I can't undo anything - I've forgot my toolbox!'

Newt sale

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

'Have you tried hitting Ctrl-Alt-Delete?'

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

Knights

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

'I thought you said you were taking me to Swan Lake?'

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

God creates humans.

'What's my fortune then?!

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"I told you we should have given them treats!"

A trap for Santa

Frankie the discount genie

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

Santa's sleigh up on cinder blocks.

Aircraft accidentally hits a witch.

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

"For crying out loud, what's all that racket down there? Are those kids raiding the kitchen again?"

'I never dreamed that Lady Godiva would run AGAINST me!'

'It's some kind of silly note from the barbarians, sire. It says, 'We will, we will, rock you...'

'No pennies.'

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

"Well, it seems that St. Patrick didn't drive all the snakes out of Ireland."

'-and leave the money in used notes in the left luggage department...'

',,,'Sidekick' not a psychic'