Elderly Companion Gifts

'Come die with me.'

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

"I noticed a few browns."

Remote Control Duck

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

Medication for the elderly

"Would you like to hear tonight's specials, or have you already closed yourselves to new experiences?"

Checking for signs of life.

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"I remember when you used to kiss me under the mistletoe."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

Aging Sign # 23: you're dehydrated and yet up peeing all night.

"I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with."