Elderly Companion Pillows

'Come die with me.'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Remote Control Duck

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I noticed a few browns."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

Medication for the elderly

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

"Would you like to hear tonight's specials, or have you already closed yourselves to new experiences?"

Checking for signs of life.

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"I remember when you used to kiss me under the mistletoe."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

Aging Sign # 23: you're dehydrated and yet up peeing all night.

"I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with."

'At least you're not going to have to worry about your denture adhesive anymore.'