Driver Joke Fan Gifts

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

'And here's the toolkit.'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

Traffic Jam

'You need orthopedic brake shoes.'

'Told you so.'

'It's my prostate.'

Hamlet, Chicken of Denmark: 'to cross, or not to cross'

'Not so hard on the braking, Mrs. Buggins!'

Sat Nag

'I've been glamped!'

Woman's car has sticker on the back saying 'How's My Wife's Driving'.

Old Testament - Methuselah has a car accident

Right Lane Must Hit Tree

Getting the Finger

'To hell with high gas prices!'

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

Detour 50c.

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

'Automobilia Now: Lemon and Lemonaid.

"We'll be there soon, dear. Your dad will only be pushing us until gas prices go down...which will be in the fall.."

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

"Watch out Stan, we've got a tail-gater."

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

'This new headset is great. I can eat and drink while I drive.'

DAVE'S GARAGE, 'Sorry, pal, but we found a typo in your warranty.'

'We don't have a flat tire!'