Driver Joke Fan Pillows

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

'And here's the toolkit.'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

Traffic Jam

'You need orthopedic brake shoes.'

'Told you so.'

Installing one of the new 'Buck Bridges' reduced Bob's auto insurance by 21%.

'It's my prostate.'

Hamlet, Chicken of Denmark: 'to cross, or not to cross'

Old Testament - Methuselah has a car accident

Right Lane Must Hit Tree

'I've been glamped!'

Getting the Finger

Sat Nag

Woman's car has sticker on the back saying 'How's My Wife's Driving'.

'Not so hard on the braking, Mrs. Buggins!'

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but the Cash for Clunkers program is good only for vehicles...'

"It's nothing serious...just a flooded engine."

'To hell with high gas prices!'

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

I thought "E" meant enough.

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

'Automobilia Now: Lemon and Lemonaid.

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

"Watch out Stan, we've got a tail-gater."

Detour 50c.

"We'll be there soon, dear. Your dad will only be pushing us until gas prices go down...which will be in the fall.."

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

DAVE'S GARAGE, 'Sorry, pal, but we found a typo in your warranty.'

'This new headset is great. I can eat and drink while I drive.'