Drink Detective Gifts

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'

"Whose round?"

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

'I wonder if anyone will miss me after I'm gone?' 'Would you like to pay your bar tab now?'

"My glass is empty again but I haven't had a drink."

Tiny Drink

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Drinking at home is so much cheaper, especially when you put wine through as cordial at the self service checkout."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

Complaints Desk

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

California Beverages Map

Unsafe Drain Covers!

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

Big Moon Brewery and Alphonso's martinium

La Tour 2007.

'So that's why they use the Dutch flag colours...it's flat!' (Pepsi logo on vending machine)

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

Dutch Courage

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar."

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

"OK...not taking a shower is not an option for teenage boys!"

"Bartender - givish me another shot."