Drink Detective T-Shirts

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'

"Whose round?"

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

'I wonder if anyone will miss me after I'm gone?' 'Would you like to pay your bar tab now?'

"My glass is empty again but I haven't had a drink."

Tiny Drink

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Drinking at home is so much cheaper, especially when you put wine through as cordial at the self service checkout."

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

Complaints Desk

Unsafe Drain Covers!

"Ah — excellent catsup."

California Beverages Map

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

Big Moon Brewery and Alphonso's martinium

Dutch Courage

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

La Tour 2007.

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

"OK...not taking a shower is not an option for teenage boys!"

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar."

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

No, I'm not a gambler at all. I just blow on these and they keep serving me drinks.

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

'Do you have any coffee?'