Coffee Detective T-Shirts

"Decaf. They can't be far away."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

Missing Easter Egg

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

Billy strip: bed pan.

Cafe. He's a caffeine addict. Nobody can match his intake. An espresso machine!

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

'Keep an eye out for the cookie police.'

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

"I'm telling you. . . something's not right with this coffee."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar."

'It's worth a try. I heard dad say there are thousands of cookies in this computer!'

"...but you uncovered this cafe's secret conspiracy to addict us to over-caffeinated drinks."

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

"Its DNA is consistent with meat loaf."

'I wonder if anyone will miss me after I'm gone?' 'Would you like to pay your bar tab now?'

'It's nothing serious. Just a little powdered sugar.'

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'

'Most people are worried about this - According to a Gallup pole.'

"Bag the trans fat evidence and this time get it to the precinct."

'With all the fooling around with genes that's going on, it really is mystery meat.'

'As a matter of fact, these apples are really transgenic onions.'