Taste Detective T-Shirts

"Ah — excellent catsup."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Harsh Mellows.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"Your meal sounded nice."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."