Dressage Dilettante Gifts

'Dressage? But Son, what about something more virile like Rodeo or Polo?'

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

The Salvador Deli

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

"I don't care what his name was. When I said I needed a Philips head, I meant a screwdriver you idiot!"

Time Out Room

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

Prisoner to other: 'But what I actually ended up doing was consolidating all my debts into one ten-year sentence.'

"You are headed south. Your destination is straight ahead."

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

'Lucifer casts out into Hell'

IRS. Pay Taxes Here. It's the amount owe

"Finding a big enough venue for the partner conference wasn't easy...eventually we had to settle on Las Vegas!"

Novice plumbers replacing a washer in a leaky faucet.

'I don't need a GPS. I'm guided by greed.'

'If you want somewhere quiet and without crowds...I recommend Greece.'

Man paints himself into corner.

"...I have no idea how to make cheese."

'If you must give me withering glances, could you focus on me and spare the plants?'

Surviving the credit storm.

'I asked them to behave like adults, and they ranted, they raved, and they cussed a blue streak!'

'Harold has been complaining about loose dentures lately.'

"I like to sit here and look at all the things I don't have."

Bark bark bark bark

'What happened between design and development?'

Kid in corner to parent: 'When will I be eligible for parole?'

Demon with his tail caught in the holy book of an unaware monk

"Aeschylus is good, I suppose, but I go to the theatre to relax."

Man and dog puzzled by blank signpost