Doorstep Dining Detectives T-Shirts

"We keep getting billed from DoorDash. Who here has been ordering all this food?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

GM Crops Genie.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

'Mine was stone cold.'

CSI Fridays

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Horse meat scandal.