Dining Disaster Detective T-Shirts

"It's a tad undercooked."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Mine was stone cold.'

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

I'm sorry, Miss. I can't involve the bouncer just to "teach somebody a lesson." Menu.

Plane with banner shoots at another.

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"