Dining Disaster Detective Pillows

"It's a tad undercooked."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Don't tell him anything."

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

'Mine was stone cold.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'