Dining Dilemma Detective T-Shirts

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Don't tell him anything."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

I'm sorry, Miss. I can't involve the bouncer just to "teach somebody a lesson." Menu.

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Mine was stone cold.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

Woman finds something in her soup.

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

'Darling - are you finding these waiters rather over-attentive?'

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'