Domestic Joker Pillows

'I just joined the Freemasons and I'm afraid you're our next sacrifice..'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

'Mom says she has a souffl

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

"I'm an only child...unless you count my dad."

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

Attack Of The Guy From The Other Room

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'It turned out great except for Fido!'

'Are you sure this is where you buried your Daddy?'

"Great - really great - but I'd still like to get out of the house every once in a while."