Kitchen Joker Pillows

"Oh yeah, like you're a four-star fork."

'Now don't tell me you had this for lunch!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Which of you jokers swapped my apron for this?

'You hold the racket like this. . . then drain your spaghetti like this.'

'I know, Frank. Marge has all of the cook books, but she's dyslexic.'

"What's for dinner?"

"Tia Carmen, did you ever use a stool to cook?"

"Do two peanut butter cups equal one peanut butter pint."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Wok. Don't Wok.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'I was in the catering corps.'

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Husband bakes a pie

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Gigot de sept heures."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Amy Sedaris

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Onion operation.

Avocado Timeline