Kitchen Jester Pillows

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Two chefs playing foosball using rotisserie chickens.

"I'm the chef." "I'm the Health Inspector."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Husband bakes a pie

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'We're having salad are we? I couldn't smell anything burning.'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'She's just seeing if the alphabetti spaghetti's ready.'

'I suspected he was in a bad way when he suddenly stopped complaining about my cooking.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

Spaghetti Mummy

Your dinner is in the supermarket...

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

"That's your solution for everything isn't it, Max? More pepper."

Cat's cradle

'Don't give me that 'hairball' excuse again. Just admit it - you don't like my cooking!'

The convenience of self-basting chickens.

I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

Portrait of an easy-to-please husband.

"This one is designed for those morning types that like to pop out of bed."

Help!

"No wonder they didn't like it. I forgot to sprinkle the antidepressant on it."

"More helium."

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

"Gigot de sept heures."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"