Domestic Task Jokester Pillows

The Iron Age: Day One.

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Laptop Dancing.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

He likes to make work fun

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

Onion operation.

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

"Hey. We're out of toilet paper."

Waste Management.

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

"What?"

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'

"According to the latest research staff retention is more likely to be improved but improved conditions rather than chaining them to their desks."

'They're draft outlines on how to run a paperless office.'

"Shall we call it a day? Sure, boss, let's call it Friday!"

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'