Doll Dramatist Gifts

"I have my mother's vindictive nature and my father's garnished wages."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

A man taking a bow

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

The Perfect Foil

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Look Chaucer, there goes that rotten plagiarist Shakespeare again!'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'After you with the camouflage.'

Now Playing On Your Phone: Other People's Craft Projects....

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

Shakespeare's housework

'Let's face it, we never got along. I'm just sorry it had to come to this.'

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

Roach Motel

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

"Somebody tell me...what's my motivation?"

'I'm leaving this damn job at the end of the month.' - 'How did you find out?'

'Sweetheart, Danny can't come home right now... I'll take a look at your doll baby this evening then probably schedule some tests.'

"I can't approve of your office gossiping, Frank...and after you tell me the latest I want it to stop!"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'