Doll Dramatist Pillows

"I have my mother's vindictive nature and my father's garnished wages."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

A man taking a bow

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

The Perfect Foil

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Look Chaucer, there goes that rotten plagiarist Shakespeare again!'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

Now Playing On Your Phone: Other People's Craft Projects....

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

Shakespeare's housework

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

"Somebody tell me...what's my motivation?"

'I'm leaving this damn job at the end of the month.' - 'How did you find out?'

Roach Motel

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

'Let's face it, we never got along. I'm just sorry it had to come to this.'

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

'Sweetheart, Danny can't come home right now... I'll take a look at your doll baby this evening then probably schedule some tests.'

"I can't approve of your office gossiping, Frank...and after you tell me the latest I want it to stop!"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

'I smell romance! This is his seventh blanket-bath. He only came in for an 'in-growing toe-nail' removal operation, yesterday!'