Domestic Dramatist Gifts

"Dinner's ready, if you want to take a break from your personal space."

Roach Motel

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

"What's for dinner, Madge? I'll be home soon."

"Since he retired I like to keep in handy around the house."

Southwark Fair.

Jean-Paul Sartre

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

A man taking a bow

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

Comedy and tragedy masks

'The classic masks of Comedy and Tragedy, or as they're now known, emoticons.'

Henrik Ibsen,

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

The Perfect Foil

'Shakespeare, what do you say we write a comedy?'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Look Chaucer, there goes that rotten plagiarist Shakespeare again!'

Samuel Beckett

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

Performance In The Bedroom

The Modern Godot

'Shakespeare's Hamlet word for word - and I who always thought it was a crazy joke.'

James Barrie.

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Eugene Ionesco

John Masefield.