Doggie Difference Defender Gifts

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

A dog reads a newspaper

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

'This is my toughest soldier -- He's been through Mom's vacuum cleaner eight times!'

My first pro bono case.

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

"Worms."

Castle Cat Flap

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

'Get this straight, I'm a guard dog: I don't fetch the newspaper!'

'Shut-up, stupid dog!'

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

'Isn't this great? Now Winston can know we're excited to see him too!'

"It's for what?! I thought it was a bark amplifier!

Seeing Eye to Eye Dog

"The Internet is down, so I got bored. They'll understand."

'And if he does get through the invisible fence, our drone will zap him from 40,000 feet.'

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

'Don't worry Vicar. He's only looking at you like that because you're eating off his plate...'

'Baxter wouldn't hurt a fly. Unfortunately fleas are another matter.'

"It's a dog-eat-dog world? I wish!"